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Health & Fitness

DRIVE: For students, the odds are always in its favor

Lack of confidence in their strengths makes some children feel that they belong on the Island of Misfit Students. We adults must turn this place into a ghost town.

From My Side of the Desk


DRIVE: For students, the odds are always in its favor


The one attribute that insures students’ success has little to do with IQ scores, Advanced Placement Standards of Learning Test results or a multitude of vicarious learning experiences. The five-letter word that holds all of the power learners need to succeed is DRIVE.  Determination alone won’t be enough impetus for those who feel defeated by the challenges and responsibilities of school, especially when they are surrounded by the Can-Do Kids, unless they fuel that DRIVE with Confidence.

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“Ay, there’s the rub,” as the young Hamlet said in his “To Be or Not to Be” soliloquy (Hamlet William Shakespeare). From the first days of kindergarten some children feel more like they belong on the Island of Misfit Students than in Academic Paradise. Whatever self-assurance they carried into the classroom with them in those first days of school starts to seep out in drips and drops when they see peers reading sentences and they are still deciphering simple one-syllable words. The drips turn into trickles when they are challenged to find monkeys hanging from the trees on a worksheet but they lose interest when they see the funny one dangling by his toes. The fact is, because they would rather be outside copying him, they lose count which is soon followed by confidence. Every year the leaks increase, shrinking their sense of worth and causing their self-belief to falter. They act out, clown around, and shut down-anything to hide their feelings of academic inadequacy. By high school they have adopted a too cool for school swagger or shuffle into class, their eyes perpetually cast downward, their academic self-esteem washed away in a flood of self-fulfilling prophecy, “I can’t, so why bother.”

How did we adults who care about their school success lose these young minds? Was it when we said, “Don’t you have your homework again?” not thinking that what they heard was “You’re just lazy and don’t want to put in the effort”? Or could we have exacerbated their feelings of inadequacy when we made comments like, “What do you have against the English language that you torture it so?” after reading one of their essays, or “Your handwriting is atrocious. Try typing your answers,” or “You might be a good artist, but that alone won’t help you pass the SOLs or get you into college. You have to pass math to do that.”? The groans or rolling eyes from the Can-Do kids when those they deemed as lazy or cut-ups were put in their group sure didn’t help, either.

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Kids are savvy. No matter their academic competence, or lack thereof, they see who is greeted with admiring smiles, and they hear the exasperation and frustration in the subtext of messages meant to be encouraging. They know that the Certificate of Achievement the coach handed to them at the end of soccer season when they basically warmed the bench was because every player had to get something. They know that the Eagle reading group holds all of the high achievers when they sit with the Sparrows. They know that sister Donna was accepted to Wellesley due to her high SAT score, her 4.3 GPA and her violin virtuosity and that brother Jack was recruited by Ohio State because of his football prowess, oh, and also his high SATs and GPA. They know that Mom and Dad, who are college professors, feel that they can’t hold their heads up in the neighborhood because their one underachieving kid only earns mediocre grades, in a good quarter, and plays heavy metal on his guitar every night.

We adults need to turn the Island of Misfit Students into a barren, uninhabitable wasteland. When Johnny turns in an essay on the most recent book he read, we need to find a few specific parts to praise even-especially when we note a multitude of errors in sentence structure or grammar. “I like how you described JoJo’s reaction to the bully to show that he was scared,” or “Look at you (high five)! You spelled every word correctly. Good job.” Taking a moment to call or email a parent to enthuse about how Jane worked the whole period without any reminders to stay on task will definitely help to rebuild flagging dignity as will a parent call to a teacher praising how Zelda spent the whole evening on her project without texting her BFF once.

A bulletin board adorned with a piece of work from each student will result in a smile and a better effort on the next assignment from the Sparrow, as will that completed math homework taped to the fridge. If we know that George loves to read to his little sister, we can suggest books he can read after finding out his sister’s interests or urge him to sign up to read at a near-by elementary school. We need to greet each student every day- to make all our charges know that they are important cogs in the class and family wheels.  We need to allow for mistakes and work that is less than perfect- to praise effort and completion. Our mission should be to encourage them for what they did, not discourage them by commenting on what they didn’t do.

Our classrooms should be Safety Zones, free from any verbal or physical intimidation. No matter how slight a giggle about an out hairstyle might seem, or how an elbow to the ribs was brushed off with a “Just Kidding” excuse, to a young person who feels very little academic or social self-worth to begin with, they just become more notches on their I Am Incapable belts. When kids say they are bad students because they don’t “get” math or history, we need to redirect these inaccurate beliefs by explaining to them how their artwork on the last project was dynamite or how impressed we were with their science project showcased in the library.

When a task, be it at school or home needs to be done, we need to offer choices. Demanding that any artwork on a project must be hand-drawn when Tucker is well aware of his total lack of artistic ability is unfair and defeating. He probably won’t bother to complete the work at all. Instead, allow pictures to be printed from the internet or cut out from magazines. He loves to express his thoughts in writing, so this makes a win-win situation. If Jane tends to drop breakables, instead of having her do the dishes after dinner, ask her to sweep the floor. Since she loves to dance, she can pretend that she’s on Dancing With the Stars while she sweeps up the crumbs. By doing this, she will probably realize at some point that she can transfer her grace to handling the good china.

Our praise and positive comments must be from the heart. No matter if they are pre-schoolers or seniors in high school, kids see right through false comments. Phony Fails every time. It just adds to feelings of inadequacy because the young people clearly understand that we felt the need to say something and couldn’t dig up even one example of a commendable task that they accomplished.

Our responsibility is to fortify their strengths, to show them that they must push their weaknesses to the bottom of their ability bag until they hold the determination to brace them with the potency of their assets. It doesn’t hurt to let them know that we weren’t Eagles in everything we attempted either, and that, yes, in some areas we were Sparrows, too, but that we chose to not let our own limitations run (or ruin) our lives. Remind them that Katniss Everdeen might not have had the physical strength of the Career Tributes, but she had her brain and her determination, and they enabled her to overcome all odds to win the Hunger Games challenge along with Peeta.

We cannot become defeated when our children/students act out or shy away from trying, but must continue to challenge them to stoke their self-esteem so it becomes High-Octane Confidence, the propellant for their DRIVE. We must say, “No more!” to the Island of Misfit Students.

Until Next Week,

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