Glimmer of Hope

Hey Fairfax County!! I hope all is fabulous in your world today! 

As I write these blogs I really try to convey the passion for life that has always been vibrant in my heart.  For example, my family lives in the Winchester area and when driving back to Northern VA you pass these amazing mountains coming up from I66.  I would pull over and sometimes sit and watch the colors swirl around the sun to give the gift of a sunset.  As my father puts it” a picture waiting to be painted.”  My dad is not a talker, but his eyes are gentle and you always know thoughts are playing in his mind.  When they do hit paper they usually make me cry with pride that I am his daughter.  He is a huge reason for my love of life.  He has always told me it is the simple things in life that are the true gifts…now that I am without sight; I can promise you this is very true.  I invite you to take a breath and watch a sunset or sun rise and think of the life you want for yourself.  Or be thankful for the person that smiles at you in the hall at work and does not ignore you as they are nose deep in a smart phone.  Hey, I LOVE my iPhone don’t get me wrong!  Being a person without sight is EXPENSIVE so I appreciate the people at Apple for creating a device that is straight up accessible right out of the box! But I am running off the course here so let me real myself back in…

I feel it is important for you to know this about me before I get into my first “sight” of hope.  The first several weeks at Rehab were not what I would call a good time.  I would throw myself into each task and the only way I could get through this is by telling myself this is temporary and one day I will see again.  I dutifully went to classes and thanked God above when my best friend would rescue me from my own personal hell!  About a month after I got there I was walking down the hall to one of the  classroom’s and I kept forgetting where it was located.  I would get so irritated when the mobility instructor would say things like, “Travel NW” and then when you reach the open hall travel “South.”  Ok, let me tell you now I am not a person that gets this compass travel.  I need things like, take a right at the McDonald’s and then straight until you see the Mall.  Land marks are my friends.  Well, that is another check in the box for irritation!  No more landmarks for Melody and really?  The open hall?  I now have to rely on this cane and “feel” the hallway open up?  What am I a bat?  Great! Sonar!

In my second post I told you that I felt like I had died and this is what is left.  I honestly did not feel like I lived any longer. I did not talk, and for those of you that know me…this is MAJOR!  I am a talker!  I did not smile nor did I care about anything.  I wanted people to hurt as much as I did and I wanted someone to pay for this as I was robbed!  The only thing I can say is at least if I was robbed I would never have to see the person that took my sight from me. Being blind?…well, it does not leave.  How does one live with the thing they HATE the most?  As you can see major change of personality…

One day I was taking the walk I hated and something clicked in my mind that I was just going to give into what I had been told and “feel” for the open hall and then I knew to take 3 steps and hard left and that should do it.  I did and I got in that classroom.  Now, can you imagine … you have gone from driving 495, seeing the world and walking just fine on your own, to this as your major accomplishment?  Think about this for a minute before you read further…

Some of you can feel the emptiness, some “can’t imagine” and some have tears.  What I do know is this…I have changed your perspective on traffic, right? 

When I get into this room that I have missed like 100 times - I smile for the first time.  I mean a real smile like the one that reaches your eyes.  Guess what came out of my mouth?  I sat down folded my cane and said this to the teacher, “Hey, Good Morning!” That color green looks great on you ….really brings out your eye color!”  And then I laughed at my own joke.  She did not even pick-up on this as luck would have it the women had on a green shirt and hazel eyes!  What is my glimmer of hope?  Well, I knew in that instant that I could smile again and I could eventually have happiness as my default.  I am not saying that it happened overnight, but we will get into more of this later…

For now, I made it in that room and I cracked a joke at my enemy…that darkness that I felt was not going to be my keeper forever.  Does it rear its ugly head even today?  Yes!  It does…but honestly, who has a life that is roses all the time.  Even in my darkest of times I stop and do what I did with the white cane…say for 5 minutes “you will not own me and I accept it for that time only.” 

I do have one request, I would really like to hear from you so please share with your friends, ask me questions about my journey or if you are uncomfortable with blindness I can help with that as well.   I also want to make it known this is my story and how I feel about being a person without sight and does not reflect the same for others in the blind community.  Did that sound like a disclaimer or what? 

Take 5 and have a great evening!

Melody