Is There An App for Aptitude?

Soon, my son will take the SAT Reasoning Test in preparation for the college application process.

You may remember this as the Scholastic Aptitude Test or the Scholastic Assessment Test. In case you’ve been living under a rock, or you’re Charlie Sheen, the SAT is pretty much the required test for college admission. And these days, you have to score really, really, really well on the SAT’s to get into a good university.

My son needed a little help with the reading comprehension portion so we enrolled him in an SAT Prep Course as a way to help him hone his skills before the big test. Growing up in Appalachia, I wasn’t lucky enough to have access to a prep course but I was fortunate to have qualified for the MTAP, the Minimal Tooth Assistance Program.

According to several sources, standardized college admission tests were originally developed in 1901 as a way to eliminate testing bias between people from different socioeconomic backgrounds. In 1942, the SAT became the test used by almost all colleges for admission. You could say that without the SAT, you were SOL.

Over the years, the test has changed. Today, it primarily measures a student’s ability to gain meaning from the English language and to engage effectively in problem solving through math problems.

But who determines whether this test is fair or a good measure of college success? I’m a successful speaker and writer yet I am a terrible test taker—especially when it comes to reading comprehension and understanding the English language. I just don’t do good on that kind of, uh, stuff.

So when I took the SAT’s, I struggled with questions like this:

Kumquat is to station wagon like Poughkeepsie is to:
          A) Hot Dog  B) Women’s Underwear  C) Television  D) J. Edgar Hoover

I looked at these questions and wondered if my parents were actually brother and sister, and that my gene for understanding English was defective. What did these obscure analogies have to do with my learning in college or surviving in adulthood? In fact, I’ve never since encountered a situation where a mugger approached me with a gun and said, “Tell me the relationship between kumquats and station wagons or I’ll blow your brains out.”

Realizing that, I assumed today’s test had been improved since 1978 when I took it. But alas, it has not. Here’s a sample vocabulary question from my son’s SAT prep manual. 

Fill in the blank with the best word from the choices below.
In his usual ________ manner, he had insured himself against this type of loss.
          A) Pensive  B) Providential  C) Indifferent  D) Circumspect  E) Caustic

OK, I admit that I’m not the sharpest tool in the oven (not sure that’s right) but this question is ridiculous. Who talks like this? An 11th grade student who knows the answer to this question may get into college but will most certainly get beat up in the high school gym more than a few times.

In my opinion, the SAT should measure things that college students really need. Yes, they need to understand English and they need to have problem solving abilities, but when all is said and done, they need to graduate, get a job and get out of our houses.

So, I would suggest a few revisions to the current SAT’s so they address real-life student survival skills. Here are a couple of suggested questions:

Which of the following should you avoid before taking an exam?
           A) Staying up too late  B) Tequila  C) Fraternity parties  D) Studying

The answer is D. Everyone knows that a relaxed student performs better on exams. If the student spends the entire evening studying, she’ll be uptight and worried during the actual exam.

What app will be most useful to a college student?
          A) Angry Birds  B) Starbucks  C) Plagiarism Plus  D) Facebook

Clearly, the answer is C.  It’s extremely important to makes sure you don’t copy another author’s work. Plagiarism Plus scans your writing and makes subtle changes to your plagiarized material so that it won’t technically be plagiarism.

You have a credit card with a $500 limit and you currently have $487 in charges. How much more money can you spend?
          A) $13  B) $500  C) $0  D) None of the above.

The answer is B.  I feel silly having to explain this but every college student in America knows that if you qualified for one credit card, you can qualify for another one. Simply go to a different bank and voila, you have $500 in new credit. You then pay off the first card with the new one and you’re back in business—with $13 to spare.

I fear for a future where students are learning about obscure analogies but not about important tools like paying one credit card off with another. Perhaps if enough of us who scored poorly on the SAT’s can join together to fight the system, we can make a difference. Remember those wise words from Abraham Lincoln, “Ask not what your county can do for you but what you can do for your county.”

Or was that Ronald Reagan?